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Guest
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 Posted:
Sep 27, 2004 - 06:21 PM |
 
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This article originally appeared on thefence.ca - a small Toronto queer feminist publication written by and for bisexual women:
| lauriann wrote: |
(* Her name has been changed)
You may have been where I've been. Out dancing somewhere, perhaps a gay bar, perhaps a straight club. You're dancing, enjoying the movements of your body, expressing yourself freely, interacting with the other dancers, perhaps a female companion. You exit the floor and you're accosted. Mr and Mrs Joe Swinger would like a moment of your time.
This couple appears in a shocking variety of forms. One night they may be comfortably dressed in middleaged gear. The next night, they arrive, painful hipsters, attempting to gauge your reaction with mutually anxious nonverbal repartee. I remember one middleaged man wearing a pirate shirt with some greying fur tufting out the laces while his wife busted out of latex quietly behind him.
What's common to all of these approaches? First, the way the man does the talking, perhaps taking you aside to let you know that his spouse finds you attractive. This leads to the next confession: she would like to partake of you. His tone is conspiratorial and at the same time suggests you should be grateful for the opportunity to service his lady wife. Implied: the dubious sexual treat of getting to enjoy him as well.
I will politely decline the offer. At this stage, I usually encounter a) shocked disbelief and/or petulance or b) a more forceful attempt to convert me to Mr Swinger's cause. The fact that I'm bisexual is usually the basis of his argument. Implied: I'm bisexual therefore I must be promiscuous and open to any suggestion. Occasionally the situation gets to the point where I'm forced to be rude to Mr. Swinger and the silent spouse.
I've talked about this with my best friend *Sasha, a bisexual woman and former lover of mine. She's encountered the same situation. Most recently, a couple she's known since high school started playing the threesome card. They'd invited her over to hang out and watch movies with them a few times. On the third time she came over, he made the pitch. She explained politely to them that they were friends and not lover material. Everything seemed nicely settled, except, everytime she encountered them after that, they continued the process of trying to seduce her. Finally, she had to stop hanging out with them. She was hurt by the fact that they valued her friendship of almost two decades less than the chance to spice up their marriage.
The fact that it's usually the man who approaches me and won't take no for an answer shows that some men suffer from an entrenched attitude which objectifies bisexual women. Perhaps bisexual women need to get together and make educational material available to be handed out to swinging couples before they start swinging, Respecting Others, Respecting No. I'd be happy to start handing out pamphlets off the dancefloor!
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| Posted:
Oct 30, 2004 - 02:13 AM |
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My wife wants to try it with another woman and I but we dont know how to go about it. Any advice??
Gregory |
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