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T-Lu
Slut Puppy
Joined: May 08, 2005
Posts: 328
Location: Tor - Mtl
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 Posted:
Aug 04, 2007 - 11:09 PM |
 
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g69er
Insatiable
Joined: Nov 10, 2005
Posts: 2213
Location: Toronto area
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| Posted:
Aug 05, 2007 - 09:22 AM |
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Interesting topic T-lu...
I was introduced to this thru a good friend of mine . At the begining concept sounded interesting and intriguing and honestly thought was a perfect solution .
We both seen each other and other people for recreational fun. Problem came when "loving part " of that type of set up involved someone else , and my time with her , which was limited already due to work and scheduling ,came to almost nill .
With that experiance decided wasnt for me at the time , but not out of question .. and to be honest maybe because I felt like I didnt have control of situation .
I know it sounds selfish but when you "care " about someone ( and thats what Polyamory seems to be about is loving relationships with many ) its hard to share that person with someone else emotionaly , on top of sex , bit to much at begining .
The way I seen it at the time and still do to an extent , was if the " friend " had a loving relationship with lets say you and 1 other guy, and friday or saturday comes alone and you wana go out with her and the other guy does as well who does she chose ?? I know if I "love /care " about someone I dont wannna be #2 not my thing lol . Without the "love" part I just call it " friends with benefits " and in that sense sharing and everything is all good .
Once "loving part " again which polyamory in true form suggests it is , is involved , new dynamics come into play which is emotions on higher level ussualy real passionate .
Polyamory in my opinion after reading this and other articles is for person who controls the situation by changing the rules as they see fit and use the label of Polyamory to justify those changes in their own mind which in a nutshell is either form of games , or lessen the guilt feeling for chosing one over other , as far as I am concerned . Again just my view .
Am I capable of "loving " more then one .. of course , we all are .. would I call myself Poly in that case .. NO . Why ? Because even though your capable of loving more then one .. think most of us would stick with one we love the most ,concetrate on that person , and keep others as good friends , if able . If you wanna move from one lover to next and keep former as a "friend " and wanna call that poly so be it .
Swinging is lot more fun .. lot less emotions involved lol You go have fun and go home .
So to answer question I guess I am sometime a swingle and sometime a swinger ( when I bring"friend " ) if we must have lables. |
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T-Lu
Slut Puppy
Joined: May 08, 2005
Posts: 328
Location: Tor - Mtl
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Aug 07, 2007 - 07:27 PM |
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g69er we agree!
Swinging is for us it fulfills many of our fantasies, polyamory or scenarios similar makes us unease.
Have your say.
T-Lu |
_________________
To associate with other like-minded people in small purposeful groups is for the great majority of men and women a source of profound psychological satisfaction. |
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g69er
Insatiable
Joined: Nov 10, 2005
Posts: 2213
Location: Toronto area
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Aug 07, 2007 - 08:12 PM |
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Swinging is for us it fulfills many of our fantasies, polyamory or scenarios similar makes us unease.
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Just so doesnt get misunderstood .. in this world there is little something for everyone .. and again not that there is anything wrong with polyamory or even polygamy , to each their own I just dont think can share the emotional side of a "loving relationship " that i would have with my partner , with someone else .. I would always feel like am missing out and not getting what I am giving .. if that makes sense
Agree TLu swinging whey more fun , the other to confusing ... whey to many variables to think about as they show up |
_________________
"I may disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. BeepBeep |
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Wilderness
Verified Couple
Joined: Jan 11, 2006
Posts: 3149
Location: Toronto
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Aug 07, 2007 - 08:43 PM |
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Have watched that show on TMN "Big Love" http://www.hbo.com/biglove/ and I find it interesting...set in Utah, where the morman faith runs rampant and having several wives is quite common, although illegal, but I find the show fascinating...there is an entire sub-culture where polygamy is the norm and children are raised not knowing anything else...does it work? I guess for some it might...I know I have met a 4-some at the club that seem to have a pretty good thing going on...not sure how far this goes emotionally, but if it works...The show however does point out the problems that take place in these types of relationships...Easy to judge others for sure...many look at swinging in the same light, so be careful if you live in a glass house...Bottom line, I don't get it!! Chacun son gouts!! |
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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter...and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss- |
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g69er
Insatiable
Joined: Nov 10, 2005
Posts: 2213
Location: Toronto area
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Aug 07, 2007 - 08:57 PM |
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ahh dont confuse polyamory with polygamy though . Two different entities .
(."Polyamory is about close intimate personal relationships rather than casual sex,) to quote from the article , and personal experiance .
so in that respect you giving lot out of yourself emotionaly , yet not neccecerly geting anywhere ,( almost like being in neutural at a set of lights steping on gas and nada )... where in any other type of a "relationship" you would be . Why its so confusing . |
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"I may disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. BeepBeep |
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Wilderness
Verified Couple
Joined: Jan 11, 2006
Posts: 3149
Location: Toronto
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Aug 07, 2007 - 09:00 PM |
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Polygamy is closer personal relationships...in which you are married... |
_________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter...and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss- |
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g69er
Insatiable
Joined: Nov 10, 2005
Posts: 2213
Location: Toronto area
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Aug 07, 2007 - 09:25 PM |
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| Quote: |
Polygamy is closer personal relationships...in which you are married...
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Yeap pretty much cut and dry ..
Polyamory , you can be in limbo , indefinetly ,depending on poopoo your in lol |
_________________
"I may disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. BeepBeep |
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MarriedSlut
Newbie
Joined: Jun 19, 2007
Posts: 5
Location: Mississauga
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Aug 08, 2007 - 02:58 AM |
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Let me be the first person in the polyamory lifestyle to comment on this interesting subject. First a little history, been happily married to a wonderful man for almost 30 years and we've been 'involved' with a single man for over 3 years. Our single friend spends weekends with us where we go to Sweet Cheeks on Friday night, make love, do housework, shop for groceries, make love, go out for dinner. It is very intimate and I cherish these times the three of us spend together.
My boy friend likes our set up as he gets to experience sex on a different level than any single woman could give him by having another man in the same room. I'm sure you swingers can agree with that. He gets great sex while not fearing that eventually the woman will want a commitment, marriage, kids, etc etc.
My husband enjoys our unique situation as he has a 'buddy' to go to ball games, fishing and all those manly things I have no interest in. They share an intimacy in that they have a woman they both care for. He knows if he has to go out of town on business, I'll be looked after and safe.
I feel lucky to be loved by two such wonderful men. I'll admit that having both their attention feeds my ego. Both men are monogamous to me. I have a high sex drive and satisfying two men at a time makes my pussy purr contently. We never have boring sex as with three people we always come up with new things to try.
I think what makes it work for us is that we are just enjoying the days as they come to us, not looking for how this will end, not wanting more from each other. We are respectful to one another and just enjoy each other's company.
This might have started out as a cuckold/hot wife lifestyle but as time progressed, something unique happened...we became friends who love each other.
I'm not saying it is better than swinging, just different...respect to our differences! |
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Hard_Drive
Insatiable
Joined: Dec 30, 2005
Posts: 1755
Location: Toronto
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Aug 08, 2007 - 08:37 AM |
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PET once said that the state has no business in our bedrooms.......The Court of Appeal of BC will weigh in & then the Supreme Court of Canada......we live in the 21st century.........not the 19th..........true freedom goes to the root of our being.....to have a religion or state control who we choose to have sex with in whatever type of relationship is slavery ........... they just use to describe it in a different way........ |
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NewbiesUS2
Newbie
Joined: Jan 17, 2007
Posts: 29
Location: Barrie
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Aug 08, 2007 - 11:00 PM |
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married slut " although I think hardly a fitting name" is bang on the money for us as well. Love and lust are two very different things, stating the obvious I know, but it seems that most "swingers" have no emotional attachment, therefore I am guessing no emotional risk. That's cool but cold to our way of thinking. We can relate to you MS as we have enjoyed what you three have and are looking for it again, loving caring true friends, and sex it just couldn't be better. Have fun all...to each there own.   |
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g69er
Insatiable
Joined: Nov 10, 2005
Posts: 2213
Location: Toronto area
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Aug 09, 2007 - 12:59 AM |
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MS, newbies .... sorry but you two are missing the point of polyamory. First .. your already married so no matter what happens you always have that security blanket of marrige and can get rid of the 3d as you see fit . There is always one that take precident over the 3d , and at the end of the night you go to bed with yours respectfull truly #1 hubby , so in that sense , that would be just a good 3some thats working. .
The way I was explained and again thats the thing about polyamory can be viewd bye diferent people differently .. is more for people that want the perks of a "relationship" without the commitment , so they can come and go as they please., but they cant bring themselfs to call it just "fuck budies" . , cause to them "fuck budies" sounds to gross or something ..they need to call it something more "fancy" . |
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juici
Insatiable
Joined: Nov 23, 2001
Posts: 1359
Location: Ontario
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Aug 09, 2007 - 04:56 AM |
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Personally, I really get tired of the whole "labelling" of who we are!
I'm not a swinger, I'm not a poly this or a poly that...and as far as I am concerned we really don't need to define or defend our lifestyle choices to anyone.
We are simply put, human beings with strong sexual desires, and passionate emotions that are open to explore beyond what society has labelled "normal".
Enjoy!!!
juici |
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scandihoov
Newbie
Joined: Mar 11, 2007
Posts: 10
Location: Toronto - East of the Don
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Aug 09, 2007 - 05:11 PM |
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What is it people really want to know here?
The definition of Polyamory?
The desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
Justification for the clinical sterility of Swinging? - or the neediness of Poly types?
Can't help you there.
Opinions of those who have succeeded at Poly in it's most pure form?
Okay, under the heading "Imagine the possibilities" here is what I can tell you...
Keeping "To Each his/her own" in mind, my definition of the most pure form of poly involves a loving commitment on ALL sides.
Someone here said something to the effect that you could ditch the third wheel pretty easily and fall back on the marriage partner in a pinch.
I say that you could ditch the marriage partner in a pinch too. But that's what's wrong with society these days. Too much ditching going on.
The Married Slut pointed out one of the most rewarding aspects of polyamory. Kinships and brotherhood/sisterhood.
When women share a lover, they have a tendency to bond like sisters. Perhaps that's where the term sisterwives originated in polygamy.
The same is seldom true for males. We don't seem to bond that way but when a miraculously rare foursome does blossom into a loving relationship, everyone wins.
I love watching Cliff as he drives his manhood into Emma and the look she gives me just before she climaxs. Nicole watches too and we feel something bigger than monogamous love, bigger than a swinging three or moresome. What we feel is hard to describe. It has transformed us.
Before this, the four of us would call ourselves straight. One day after feeding Nicole my penis while Cliff took her from behind I had the urge to hug him. I also had the urge to lick all their combined juices off his penis when he withdrew - But I held back. Fear is an aweful thing and thankfully now I have learned to concur it. Fear is what was behind me not licking his penis that time. The next chance I got, Cliff was spooning Emma. I went down on her and licked his penis shaft right along with her clit. They both went wild with excitement.
I was over the moon. Emma has sucked Nicole's pussy long before this. Nicole, like me was fearful but she too overcame her fear.
Then a strange revelation dawned on the four of us during a post orgasmic conversation.
Why are we afraid of certain feelings? What was the harm? I still prefer pussy but now I love the thought of swallowing a load of giz.
Then the conversation turned to love.
Did I love Cliff?
Holy Smokes! I guess I did. - AND it turns out I was suppressing that feeling because the id10ts of society taught me loving another man was wrong.
I love cliff for who he is, for how he thinks, his gentle nature and his sex. I love how he treats the girls. I love how we all work together to overcome obstacles.
I love both girls - would marry them AND Cliff today if allowed. The Girls love each other, have sex when the guys are out fishing (Yes that's occasionally code for when the guys are sucking and fucking each other, but yes, we fish too)
But this is a rarity and we know it. We also know it may not last forever. We know of other poly threesomes and foursomes that have lasted for decades.
And yes, there are AMAZING fringe benefits BEYOND THE SEX - Our household has four incomes (did I forget to mention that we all live together?) I work three days a week now. The girls work three and four respectively, Cliff is his own boss but he isn't so driven by the almightly $$ anymore. We have plenty.
As for logistics, there are somethings we haven't worked out. What if some of us want children? If it's just Cliff and I who want the children then we are shit out of luck eh? Other logistics we've nailed. There are three bedrooms. We usually sleep in pairs (Usually FM) The third bedroom has a homemade Double Queen bed. (Yes, it's a huge room) Sometimes we all sleep together (Just wanna mention, when there are four people on a bed, two girls facing each other in the middle - usually fingering each other - and the two of us guys entering them and spooning them from behind - and we all try to fall asleep - That's a pretty erotic pile - hard to sleep...) My point is that we keep things pretty fair - no one has felt the urge to be demanding because so many of our needs are met.
Certainly more that can be met with monogamy.
Have at 'er!
His amazing little penis shoots huge loads! |
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Ruthy
Verified Couple
Joined: May 09, 2001
Posts: 4139
Location: Toronto
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Aug 09, 2007 - 05:12 PM |
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Swingers party tonight.
We are now qualifying select men for all the couples.
Call now & L.M. for big-T at 416-448-1111 if you think you qualify.  |
_________________
Stay Happy
Ruthy |
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MarriedSlut
Newbie
Joined: Jun 19, 2007
Posts: 5
Location: Mississauga
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Aug 10, 2007 - 04:07 AM |
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g69er, your educated view of the lifestyle of polyamory was most enlightening. Perhaps I'm in a different and yet unnamed lifestyle as there is a commitment concerning all three people in our little party. I think being monogamous is a big commitment. I plan on getting old with these two wonderful men, no need to choose. On the occasion when I have taken a fuck mate, my men love me all the more because I'm their dirty girl. They are the ones who get take me home and put me to bed at night.
I don't think being the proud owner of a marriage certificate naturally gives you security. What gives you security in a marriage is making your mate happy and, being married almost 30 years, maybe just maybe, whatever lifestyle we are in is making him happy. |
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Wilderness
Verified Couple
Joined: Jan 11, 2006
Posts: 3149
Location: Toronto
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| Posted:
Aug 10, 2007 - 02:05 PM |
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2 things that you said Married Slut (luv the name) that really stood out for me...
| Quote: | | I plan on getting old with these two wonderful men, no need to choose. |
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| Quote: | | What gives you security in a marriage is making your mate happy and, being married almost 30 years, maybe just maybe, whatever lifestyle we are in is making him happy. |
Note you said "HIM", as opposed to THEY...Which in itself is very telling about who you consider your primary love...I have no doubt that your husband is quite happy with his Married Slut Dirty Girl who after 30 years is still lighting his fire...And I think it is great that you plan on having both of these wonderful men in your life for a very very long time...What I wonder is at what point does the 3rd tire of being the 3rd...What man doesn't seek at some point in their lives, a relationship in which he is not the 3rd, but the primary love in his woman's life...hell 99.99% of men on this planet would settle for nothing less than being the ONLY love in a woman's life...I applaud you for having found something that works so well for you for the past 3 years, however I wonder how much longer it will work for your boyfriend...So I guess my point is that I have to agree with G Unit when he points out that the primary relationship is the marriage, legally, morally and officially...The 3rd, although an important part of your life right now, is dispensable, no matter how your luv and friendship has blossomed...And if/when he either falls in love himself with someone else, or finds that he can longer play the 3rd wheel, will you try and replace him?
I too don't feel the need for labels, so for me this isn't about what category you fit into...sounds to me that you fit, at least right now, in ths happy category...I'm not judging u in any way, I am simply adding my 2 cents!! Hope to see the 3 of you out at the club some night!! Maybe Sat August 25th!! |
_________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter...and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss- |
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g69er
Insatiable
Joined: Nov 10, 2005
Posts: 2213
Location: Toronto area
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| Posted:
Aug 10, 2007 - 03:08 PM |
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g69er, your educated view of the lifestyle of polyamory was most enlightening.
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I wouldn 't realy say educated , but had to read up on it when suggestion of possible involment was brought up . In my experiance wasnt a 3some such as yours MS .. everything was seperate .. I never knew when or if I would get time with that person so as far as I was concerned I was just wasting my time even though something deffinetly was theer from both of our sides.
The way I seen it as well , when person didnt agree with your views Id get the silent treatment for a while instead of communication . . So I just read up on it to see where that part of polyamory fits in lol... Cause what I would get is .. "you just dont get it " lol . And I would say oh ya I do get it . its hypocressy in its finest form , and thats just not me .
And I am only saying labels because most that truly are involved in that like to throw that label of polyamory around and say they are above the norm , and theyr not above the norm bye any means , if anything a lot more insecure in them selfs .From what I seen so far when things not going their way all the time they bail .. which is pretty normal for most . when ever you have a primary relationship such as marriage or b/g and you involve a 3d or 4th I am with wilderness on this , I dont think its polyamory in its true sense .. just a good 3some . As for sleeping with 3people in same bad all the time .. hmmm .. wonder who gets the wet spot lol Acctualy short of getting in more poopoo here whey I see it polygamy is where male is alpha and has 2 , or more , wifes , polyamory is where woman would be in charge of situation /s without the " commitment " to anyone partner , again just my experiance. I dont like being in charge or someone being in charge of me .. like doing things together .
Not sure what the label is for that when you have a partner and do things together but thats more my pace think they call it "love" some cases marrige and respect . Rest of it is excuses for when you dont know what you want ..instead of just calling it friends with benefits or just friends . |
_________________
"I may disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. BeepBeep |
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AJ_TO
Sex Maniac
Joined: Dec 21, 2005
Posts: 205
Location: Toronto
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| Posted:
Aug 10, 2007 - 08:47 PM |
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| Hard_Drive wrote: | | PET once said that the state has no business in our bedrooms.......The Court of Appeal of BC will weigh in & then the Supreme Court of Canada......we live in the 21st century.........not the 19th..........true freedom goes to the root of our being.....to have a religion or state control who we choose to have sex with in whatever type of relationship is slavery ........... they just use to describe it in a different way........ |
There's a difference between polygamy and polyamory. Polygamy means 1 man multiple wives. There is a bigamy law which forbids that practice. Polyamorous relationships are not necessarily marriage and can include mutiple partners for all. In that way, it is polymorphic (i.e. having many forms). The major question that the Supreme Court will have to decide is whether freedom of religion (in terms of old order Mormanism) trumps the greater good of society or not. One argument against polygamy is that the female children of these relationships may be subject to child abuse. I doubt that anyone here would like to see children sexually abused in the name of religious freedom. It should be interesting. |
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g69er
Insatiable
Joined: Nov 10, 2005
Posts: 2213
Location: Toronto area
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Aug 11, 2007 - 04:12 AM |
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Ok how did this turn into a political with child abuse twist thread .. people there is enough political threads out there , and child abuse twist .. oohhh pleaaasseee ... give it a rest .. its interesting topic with people truly contributing with different views ,keep politcs out ..
I acctualy would like to find out different views maybe I am missing something who knows |
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3sumluvver
Sex Maniac
Joined: Mar 16, 2003
Posts: 217
Location: Ajax
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Sep 23, 2007 - 03:45 PM |
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I just have to jump in here with my two cents worth (sorry no exchange rate on American today)
As usual, there are some people who understand poly and some who dont'... and that is not a shot or criticism towards anyone, it's just the way it is.. those of us who embrace it understand we are misunderstood. Just as swingers are misunderstoon by vanillas, etc, etc
Anyway.. back to the point. Polyamory is really about people who want and need to have ALL their needs fulfilled. I think that we can all recognize that one person does not and cannot fulfill absolutely every wish and desire that we have. It also is about having a caring and almost always a loving relationship with those you choose to be involved with. Not like swinging, where it is sometimes a one-off encounter, never to be repeated. And that's all good too!!
I identify as mostly a poly person, next a BDSM person, and then a swinger. So I have a lot of kinks goin' on here!
My partner lives with a man. He is bi, but fairly vanilla beyond that. He has a girlfriend who is also bi, but also into vanilla sex when in a hetero situation. My g/f and I are into BDSM and we have a loving D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship. This is a need that she gets from me and not from her life partner. She is bi also and dates a nice girl that I know as well. I don't date her! lol
We occasionally will involve others in our sexual fantasies, so that is the swinger aspect that I referred to. In fact, we will be acting out one of our fantasies at Sweet Cheeks on Friday. (If only we'd known about the BDSM on Sat!!! Damn.. we are booked at Endorphins that night now!)
I also have a relationship with a "vanilla" woman who is all about vanilla sex, no kink at all. I do love both of my girls.
My sub girl and I often double date with her partner and his girlfriend. In fact, we have just planned for Thanksgiving dinner with all of us together on the Sunday.
I'm rambling now... suffice it to say that there have been some great comments on here. For us, the poly works better than the swinging because we have a lot of emotional attachment. It is much more than "sport fucking" or "fuck buddies".
I still owe a lot to the swinging lifestyle... it's what got me to where I am now.
Whatever turns your crank!!!! |
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Being bad is just not good enough |
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3sumluvver
Sex Maniac
Joined: Mar 16, 2003
Posts: 217
Location: Ajax
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| Posted:
Sep 23, 2007 - 03:52 PM |
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I forgto to add... about the who goes with whom and when.... it's all about scheduling. I know that I have most Friday nights with my D/s girl and most Saturdays with my vanilla girl. Any other nights are negotiable, and we sometimes schedule diffferently if there is a special event that we want to attend.
We also book our vacations so that we get to spend at least one week with each of our partners, and sometimes we book weekends together.
I guess it is easier in my situation, because both of us have other partners, so if one is away for the weekend with someone else, then we get to spend time with the other and vice versa. Plus we have the understanding that we can date someone else if we have the opportunity and the desire.
I don't see any difference between that and swinging. Your favourite partner may not be available for you every time you want sex from him/her!! |
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Being bad is just not good enough |
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